10 Funniest Things in the KLS Community Handbook
Disclaimer: The community handbook changes over time. I am using the most updated version I can access at the moment. These statements can and probably will change.
A sixty-three page handbook which every student at KLS has heard of but has never read: The Community Handbook.
Have you ever wondered what’s in it? Maybe you have actually opened it and read the first few pages.
Well, here’s a list of the ten most funny statements in the handbook that are not meant to educate you on the rules of KLS (if you want that, read the handbook), but just for entertainment.
Ready?
“1.2 Mission Statement & Mission Statement” (pg-6)
Why “Mission Statement” was mentioned twice in a section heading is a mystery. It was probably a grammatical error considering the next lines in the handbook don't explain it.
“As educators we strive to ‘get out of our own way’ …” (pg-6)
This one has context, it’s just more funny without the context. The ending of that sentence is “...and follow our students' curiosity and passion as a guide for how to engage them in academic rigor.” Yeah, the ending sounds a lot like KLS.
“We will not hold in-school birthday parties; however, there will be many joyous non-birthday celebrations throughout the year.” (pg-18)
This sounds like a parent trying to explain to a kid that they didn’t get a present for them on their birthday, because they wanted to get it during the Black Friday sale instead.
Also, if students really want to celebrate a birthday, this rule probably isn’t going to stop them, especially considering most students don’t even know the rule exists cause they haven’t read the handbook.
“‘Personal business’ is not an acceptable reason for absence. The school must know the nature of the personal business to determine if it can justifiably excuse the absence.” (pg-18)
Wait, but it's personal business. The whole point is you don’t tell anybody.
“All students, faculty, and staff are required to wash their hands before and after eating.” (pg-24)
They actually said that in the handbook. It’s like we are in kindergarten again.
“KLS is committed to maintaining a positive relationship with its neighbors.” (pg-27)
On behalf of all the students here, sorry for all the noise we make during lunch and other events.
“Loud music in the parking lot or creation of other school/neighbor nuisance.” (pg-27)
This was on a list of infractions that can make students lose a parking permit at KLS. Another statement that proves that KLS is extremely protective of its neighbors (or has gotten a lot of complaints from them).
“Movies are not to be shown in vehicles while driving to and from a field trip.” (pg-28)
I wonder what caused this rule to be created. Also there are some other interesting driving rules on the same page like, “Drivers are expected to drive directly to and from the field trip location without additional stops.” (What if they have to get gas or something?) and “State laws must be observed regarding seating arrangements for students.” (This sounds like they expect us to squish four people in the backseat of a car. I mean everyone has done that at some point, right?).
“All parents and visitors to the campus must report to the School front desk, sign in, and wear visitor badges while they are on the grounds. This also includes regular workers under contract to the School.” (pg-29)
Does this mean that teachers have to wear visitor badges? Because they are technically ‘regular workers’.
“Losing a file or experiencing file corruption and/or hard drive failure is not a valid excuse for not turning in homework and/or projects. Back up frequently!” (pg-52)
Do I even need to explain this one?
That’s ten funny statements from the KLS community handbook. Hopefully they convinced you to at least open the sixty-three page book (You can find it on the student resources hub)! By the way, if you actually read it, the Appendices are pretty funny so don’t skip them (specifically read page 50’s vandalism rules).
Good luck!
