February/March Advice column
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Pen name: confused
Subject: men???
what do guys like? like if i were to think or buy or get them ONE thing that would instantly make them love me what would it be
Dear Confused,
Discord Nitro. Trust me.
It has a very statistically incorrect percentage of 99% for KLS men to immediately be bewitched by your efforts and court you.
Bonus: After a highly unofficial interview with anonymous interviewees- buying them a house (which in today’s economy is a sacrifice!) or video games are good backup plans. Confused, you got this!
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Pen name : Single (and ready to mingle)
You know the guys in the movies who do everything for the female but are constantly friend-zoned? That's me. I'm the guy every dad wants his daughter to date; I'm caring, affectionate, trustworthy, strong, muscular, supportive, thoughtful, interesting, knowledgeable, humble, and just such a nice guy. But it's true: nice guys finish last. I've tried everything: going slow, being aggressive, saying nice things--I even toned down the mansplaining. I just don't know what to do. All my friends are in relationships and it's not even like they tried. And the females I talk to always seem to want a guy like me and they always compliment my personality, but then they always leave me for someone else. How can I get noticed for all the good that I do?
Dear Single “and ready to mingle”,
Ugh, I completely understand! Me personally, it’s always us good guys that finish last. Why are we constantly overlooked, I feel you bro. I’ve toned down my mansplaining all the way down too and I’m still not getting anybody. It's like we're invisible superheroes, saving the day with kindness and sincerity, yet no one seems to notice our heroic deeds! Maybe we should start wearing capes or something. Us nice guys gotta stick together. #niceguys4lyfe #nobodylovesusniceguys #oneday #lonely #staystrong
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Pen name : anti-rizzler
Subject: failing rizz
my rizz is not working. i need some decent pickup lines to use on randoms but i dont know of any non-cringe or non-weird ones. help me!!! my rizz rests on you.
Dear Anti-rizzler,
Pick -up lines are all about confidence, the main part of a pick-up line is actually the delivery. It's not as much what you say than how you say it. Beautiful you feel that is too challenging you could also send it to them over text if you are worried about the delivery.
Here are a couple of choices for you that are proven to work:
Are you a campfire but I think you are super hot and I want s’more.
Are you a parking ticket because you got fine written all over you
Do you like raisins? How about a date?
Are you copper tellurium because you are CuTe!
Are a loan because you have got my interest
[fall on your face] Can you call an ambulance because I think I broke my arm falling for you.
Do you use public transport? Because you’re bussin.
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Pen name: Elena Eagletalon
Subject: My Unrequited Love
I have a crush on this person... The thing is they rejected me indirectly twice. First they told me they saw me as a child. The other time, they said they wanted to get married, and I offered (as a joke), but all I got in return was silence. A few days ago I was making a family tree for my class and wondering who to put as my fake spouse. My crush came over and offered. When I asked if they were serious, they said it actually probably wasn't a good idea. This person keeps saying hi to me whenever they see me and it's really messing with my emotions. On the other hand, this person constantly ghosts me. I don't know what to do! Please help.
Answer:
Dear Elena Eagletalon,
We see some clear red flags with this relationship. You need more self respect than that! It girls don’t chase after things, and neither should you! The ‘hi’s’ seem to be friendly and the ghosting is rude! They seem to not be super into you. But trust us, someone out there will be! Mind your own rizzness and abandon whatever this twisted situationship is. More fish in the sea :)
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Pen name: Speed like mcqueen
Subject: I need someone special bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I want someone special, a pookie you know what I mean? I want someone to watch Cars with me for the 200th time. I need someone that will make sure that I can get a win on COD. PLZZZZ I NEED HELPPPPPPPP!?!?!?!?!
Dear Speed like mcqueen,
First focus on being the best version of yourself.
Peace.
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Pen name: curious
Who has the most rizz on the khranicle?
Answer:
Dear Curious,
Regarding your subject on “Rizz at Khranicle:” Us, obviously! Call us first rizzponders because we’re reviving KLS’s lonely hearts.
