The possibility of being transgender first crossed Lily’s mind in 8th grade. The idea, she says, was terrifying. While she wouldn’t describe her younger self as explicitly transphobic, she did “have her opinions.” It was her exposure to women’s clothing through K-pop, and the realization that she wanted to wear them, that started her gradual journey. While she “wouldn't consider wanting to cross dress [as] being trans,” she says that realizing that she wanted to wear feminine clothing was when the “egg started to crack.” By March of 9th grade, she was much more comfortable with using the transgender label, and had chosen her name, Lily. 

Part of what made this discovery of Lily's identity so difficult was how alone she felt with such a radical change. It often felt easy to question herself when there wasn’t anyone else to validate her, because everything that connected her with her identity was trapped in her mind. At this time, she felt incredibly intimidated at the thought of telling others such meaningful and potentially dangerous information, and worried about how they would see her differently after coming out. “Every time you actually say the words, “I'm trans,” then it's like [...] terrifying, and your heart rate at like 220 beats per minute.” With time, Lily eventually found the courage to come out to a few of her close friends. She has found that, for her, it’s most important that “there's a sense of normalcy and you can tell that they care. Different people are going to have different reactions overall just because of their personality type.” Lily has found that, in general, school tends to be a safer place for her; even though most people don’t know she’s transgender, she feels like most people would support her if she told them. 

Lily has found that the impact of her coming to terms with her identity has had varied consequences. On the one hand, she says she was able to become “a lot closer to some really cool people.” The process of coming out has allowed for deeper connections with some of her friends that makes school feel like somewhat of “an escape.” On the other hand, she’s found herself more painfully aware of how gendered her day to day life is and how frequently she’s put into a box based on how she presents.

There are ways we all can be more inclusive of transgender people that we might not even know we know. Offhand comments that bring up gender unnecessarily can be incredibly hurtful, because you never know when transgender people are present. What may seem like a harmless quip about being “with the boys” can ruin someone’s day. By avoiding unnecessary gendered language, negative impact is minimized. 

Lily reminds us that anyone can be transgender, and that transgender people are people, deserving of love, kindness, and basic human decency. 

Names have been changed to preserve anonymity and quotes have been modified for readability.